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Chosen no: R-4959 a, from: 1912 Year. |
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To Marry Or Not To Marry
WE ARE ASKED to publish the below letter
respecting marriage, in the hope that it may be helpful to some considering
this subject:--
"DEAR SISTER: As your conduct towards me is
not as formerly, but you pass me and seem to intentionally avoid giving me
recognition, it has made me think that perhaps you may have some unfriendly
feeling towards me on account of the stand I have taken, or on account of
something that I may have said. If I have done you any wrong I ask your
forgiveness.
"I can sympathize with you, as I also have
a fight with the fallen flesh, and I will tell you how I feel and look at the
matter of matrimony at this late moment of the harvest time, and how, by the
Lord's grace, I obtain strength.
"This matter should be viewed by us only
from the standpoint of the new mind, and by thus doing I find it the greatest
help to keep the flesh from dictating to me along fleshly lines.
"We should also constantly have the spiritual
welfare of ourselves as well as of others uppermost in our mind; and I thus
ask myself: How can I help a sister spiritually through the union of
the flesh? How will it help the sister or myself in setting our
affections on things above? Is it the sister's fellowship I desire? If so,
can I not have that without marriage? If not always personally, can I not have
it through the course of letter writing, and thus help and encourage the sister
spiritually, and develop character thereby?
"We are to crucify the tendencies of the
fallen flesh, which are selfish desires, and put the body under and not give in
to it, for now we are walking in newness of life, and know the brethren, not
after the flesh, but after the spirit--'Ye are neither male nor female, but all
one in Christ Jesus.' Let our love be a pure, holy, brotherly love.
"The 'Vow' I find a great help, especially
the portion which reads, 'Thy will be done in my mortal body.' What is the
Lord's will? What was this sexual distinction given for? I find it was for the
filling of the earth, to populate it, and that after that has been accomplished
the sexual distinction will cease.
"Realizing that there is no distinction of
sex among the angels, and that such will also be the future condition of
humanity, I ask myself, should I, at this closing moment of our pilgrimage,
yield, or will I be more pleasing to the Lord if I now develop character in
myself in the direction of our future condition, not only by setting my
affections on things above and developing the new mind, but also by putting the
desires of my fleshly body under?
"Although these fleshly bodies are to serve
us while yet on this side the veil, they should not be used to serve us in sin
and fallen tendencies.
"The Apostle said that we commit no sin if
we marry, but this also includes our duty to perform the Father's will and make
proper use of our functions, or abstain, and this cannot be done on account of
the fallen and degraded flesh, as testified by those who have gone through this
experience.
"The best way is to ask for strength and
grace, and to be faithful to the admonition given us by St. Paul, which is,
'Let every man abide in the calling wherein he was called'; and by so
doing we certainly will receive a blessing, perhaps a greater blessing than we
think; it may win for us the crown, and the ignoring of it may prevent us from
obtaining it and thus we may become members of the Great Company.
"A single person, when consecrating, agrees
to give up more time to the Lord than can a married one. Realizing [R4959 : page 34] this, would it be right for me
to take back some of the time which I have given to the Lord and give it to
some one else? Would I be pleasing to the Lord by so doing?
"Do I know of an instance where a brother
or sister has profited spiritually by the union? Perhaps a few, but as
St. Paul said, 'He that is unmarried careth for the things that belong to the
Lord, how he may please the Lord, but he that is married careth for the things
that are of the world, how he may please his wife.'
"The thought might suggest itself to me:
Perhaps I might need just such experiences, just such troubles in the flesh to
perfect me. To this I answer, If so, I will leave it in the hands of the Lord
to give them to me, without trying to help Him by giving myself persecutions,
for He knows best what I need, but will strive to please Him, remembering that
'Obedience is better than sacrifice.'
"We are told to make straight the path for
our feet, and as the natural man can run better with the least burden, so also
the spiritual man. Why should I cast extra stones and obstacles in my own way
to hinder myself from running as I should?
"Viewing it from my personal standpoint, I
ask myself, Would this union put two in the work? Or would it take out two, in
the sense of preventing a sister or myself or both from entering now or in the
future?
"Being tied down by obligations to those
depending upon me, and not permitted to enter the colporteur work at present, I
ask myself, Should I make my obligations heavier and also tie a sister down,
preventing her from active service, now or in the future, and have her use her
consecrated time in ministering to my fleshly body? 'Ye are bought with a
price; be not ye the servants of men.'
"Should the Lord see fit to make me
foot-loose, then, viewing it from that standpoint, I should have to ask myself,
Have I enough working capital for two, or can I earn enough in the work without
the sister's assistance, should she become unable to help support herself? Or,
should I become disabled, would she still remain in the work? Can we together
make both ends meet, or might it take both of us out of the work and make it
necessary for me to labor at something else, as has been the experience of
others, so that I would thus miss the blessings and privileges, not only
myself, but also be responsible for the sister?
"How do I know that we both will stand in
this last moment of testing? I know of only one instance, where error has
overtaken one of those thus united, where the other remained faithful
unto the Lord, while the life companion fell; I find that in all other
instances, to my knowledge, they both fell. Consequently, I do
not think it advisable to take chances and endanger my Christian welfare or
that of a sister. If there is a shadow of possibility that it might prevent me
from [R4960 : page 34] making my 'calling and
election sure,' I say to myself, through the grace and strength of the Lord,
'Don't do it.'
"We know that Satan is always ready to hand
us plenty of excuses along these lines, and if we are looking for them he will
be able to present one (even through a brother or sister) which we can accept.
"One brother expresses himself to the
effect that we might seek advice upon certain matters and obtain the same from
some who are not able to give advice to the Little Flock, as they may be or
will be members of the Great Company.
"By scrutinizing every thought, and word,
and action, I find that selfish thoughts should have no place in us, and if we
do not give place to wrong thoughts they cannot result in wrong actions.
"The time is so short! It is not so much
the years now, but we count the time by weeks and days; as we mentioned at the
Mountain Lake Park Convention, it is only about one hundred and fifty weeks
until the last member of the Little Flock shall have passed beyond the
second veil, and some of this time has since passed.
"I pray the Lord to overrule these words,
should they not be fully in accord with the new mind or His will.
"Pray for me, dear sister, that I may be a
conqueror, yea, more than an overcomer.
"With much Christian love from your brother
and fellow-runner in the narrow way, __________."
Notwithstanding the good arguments of this
letter we are not to forget the other side of the question, which the Apostle
sets forth. With each one rests the responsibility of his decision to marry or
not to marry. To some the relationship must surely appear as above, but to
others equally conscientious it may seem different. Let each one be fully
persuaded in his own mind.
We certainly believe that those who cannot quite
fully settle the matter and take a decided stand, determined not to marry,
should very properly take the other decided stand and get married. Nothing is
much more injurious to spirituality than indecision, wavering, lukewarmness. Do
not trifle with your own earthly affections nor with the affections of others. Settle
matters at once and firmly as you think would be most to the Lord's glory--most
in harmony with the Divine will. Act upon this decision and put far from you
everything to the contrary, so that you can give the best that you have to the
Lord. A decision, a positiveness, will help in the development of character. Trifling
undermines true character.
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"Up,
up, my soul, the long-spent time redeeming;
Sow thou the seeds of better deed and thought;
Light other lamps, while yet the light is beaming;
The time, the time is short."
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THE PRAISE
BELONGS TO HIM
I know if I am chosen to joint-heirship with my Lord,
To reign with Him in glory, to receive that great reward;
If after all my weaknesses a crown for me He'll claim,
I know that choice will surely bring great glory to God's name.
If I had been more worthy, and my stumblings had been few,
When men gave God the glory, they'd have praised my virtue, too;
If I'd ne'er lost a battle, or had never missed the mark,
As they talked about His goodness, mine, also, they'd remark.
But my being so deficient, in thought and word and deed,
Means He'll get all the glory--He deserves it all, indeed.
When they see this weak mortal raised to such immortal heights,
What praise will rise to Him who in such nothingness delights!
I know that when my Savior did return to Heaven above,
And was crowned with wondrous glory, it did prove His Father's love;
But thinking of Christ's merit, and His sinless life of grace,
'Twas no wonder that Jehovah chose Him for such a place.
With me it is so different; I have not one thing to plead,
That I should be more honored than another bruised reed;
And truly there's no reason to give me a mite of praise;
To Him belongs all glory for the joys which crown my days.
If you knew all my failings, and my blemishes so vile,
And saw the loving patience my Father shows the while,
'Twould amaze you beyond measure to think He could or would
Make me an able servant who should do His people good.
But if to Him such praise is due because of what I am--
Because of such a weakling He has made a stronger man,
Then what will be His glory when He's raised me higher still,
And crowned me with His choicest on the top of Zion's Hill?
That all these years of striving find me so imperfect still,
Does not speak much to my credit nor give a happy thrill;
Where I appear as worthy 'tis because His grace is there,
And in the praise and glory I deserve no part, no share.
I hate my faults and failings, and I fight them day by day,
But from self with all its weaknesses I cannot get away;
Despite this fact, He uses me--beyond is still more grace--
And hosts will tell His glory--His who found poor me a place.
BENJAMIN H. BARTON.
W.T. R-4959a : page 33 - 1912r